Morning-Strawberry

So I'm still alive, still here on deviantART on 2023 despite everything the dA community has been through the last few months. I have work I've yet to share that I should start posting again. I've been re-evaluating myself a lot these days, given I'll be turning the big 30 come the next winter. I've had this account almost half my life and I'm still lurking every now and then, throughout everything.

Lately, I've stopped calling myself an artist. I've come to realize as my twenties are coming to an end that my relationship with my art and the community as a whole has changed significantly. My biggest regret of my 20's - art school.

Three years of my life wasted. Money I could've saved for when I was older and felt more secure with my identity. I entertained the thought post college I could take single classes, meet artists and open my own shop as people I've met over the years have done. Then I realized - it wouldn't work out for me.

I'm rigid with what I like to do, I'm particular of what I'm feeling in the moment, and I'm a highly sensitive person. I never had skin thick enough to take any feedback from college in stride like everyone else did. Then I realized, putting myself out there is a scary thing. Promoting myself feels all kinds of wrong. Making even a dollar off my art feels almost fake, almost like I'd pretend to be something I'm not.

I think the final nail in the coffin for me was the rise of the AI generators and how it divided the community, how artists who do their craft for a living are feeling the pressure. We'll soon wonder, what art is 'real?' Genuine? Truth is, it might soon be hard to tell. I dread what the community will look like in ten years, even five. I had a hard three weeks being depressed before Christmas where I just couldn't touch my tablet when the AI drama consumed my motivation.

That said, I'm a person who sees my glass is half-empty. I know there are many things to appreciate in the community, but I find I'm better as a spectator, not a participant. I draw what I feel in the moment, and don't care how often I post, or promoting it. It just is what it is. If I'm distant, I'm happier.

Art school disillusioned me in many ways, jaded me in others. I find it a miracle I can still pick up my tablet pen. Then again, it releases what I feel in my mind and places it onto a canvas. Call it art, call it a muse. I draw, I have an imagination, but I'm not an 'artist.' I went to school, got a useless diploma that I don't plan to use, and no longer plan to profit from it. Putting a dollar sign next to the work that's inspired from my private, innermost thoughts isn't what I want to be. I wonder if I'm the only graduate in my class who feels this way.

Why did I go to art school at all? I got pressured.

I was highly insecure in who I was, what I wanted in life and just went for it because I 'enjoyed,' it. That wasn't the right choice for me to pursue anything when the commitment alone costs thousands of dollars. If I could take it all back, I would. Drawing for me, to satisfy me, was enough. It is enough.

As I approach my next birthday in the fall, I'll say with confidence, 30 will be better than 20. I work, then I enjoy my spare time and savour every moment with people most important to me. I won't feel the pressure, drama, or toxicity that may come with the art community. I won't feel the struggle that would come if I tried to support myself with it. I couldn't be any more thankful for that. It's okay to work a normal 9-5 job and not aspire for a career.

So there it is, thoughts and feelings I've held inside spilled out in a journal in heat of the moment. I'll post what I have saved, then see where I go from there.

no longer an 'artist.'

Simply a 'muse,' and 'hobbyist,'

Berri Kindred

Little midweek thoughts - yes, to anyone still lurking around dA, I am staying despite the chaos of DreamUp, and the mature art tagging glitch. Yes, I love being on deviantART, and I'm not going to let it end at 12 years. No, I'm not condoning the mistakes they've made the last week. To anyone staying, the best thing you can do is please cancel/reconsider buying CORE. I refuse to touch DreamUp. So should anyone else.

I'm staying here because I still see actual artists who need the support.

However, I will start making it a habit to crosspost a lot more. dA isn't everyone's cup of tea, especially now, and I respect that.

The thing is, everyday we post to the internet, we always take the risk. You put something on the internet and it's there, even after you delete it. We take the risk as artists everyday, so why should this stop us now? I know it won't stop me. I don't even profit of my art. Just a hobbyist who draws **** for fun. If an AI learned from my terrible past art, that's kind of amusing to me.

Those are my two little Canadian cents. Looking forward to sharing more of my work, especially as we approach 2023.

~Berri

Just in case anyone is wondering, with the new deviantART updates that have taken place, I still plan on sticking around this site. ^_^ I've been working on being a little more active again. Expect more OC art, fanart and something new to come to my gallery after I complete NaNoWriMo 2020. I'll be introducing food art!

New IRL posts will be updated regularly on my Instagram: sassmaster_l. It gives a little peek into what I do outside deviantART.

I'm also considering to revive my YouTube channel again too during the holiday season. I also go by Morning-Strawberry there. I haven't posted much since my college days, but videos could be a fun thing to do for the new year coming.

If you guys have Instagram and YouTube and I'm not following you, let me know and I'll follow you.

That's all for now. Have a great day, everyone!

~Morning

Who else finds these satisfying to watch? It inspires me to bring some food art into my gallery~! 🍓🍓🍓

~ Morning